Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Answers for Each Day - Oct. 24 Pastor Bayless Conley and a little afterward from me :)

Praying for the Rain
For the past week we have been seeking to understand what causes a spiritual drought, and then how we can break that drought if indeed we are in one.
Here is what I want you to understand. Even if you earnestly seek God and repent of sin in your life, or you shift your focus and say, “God, I’m putting Your house first, and I’m going to put other people before myself,” or perhaps God leads you to do something of a personal nature, you still need to pray for the rain.
Do not just assume God’s blessing will automatically fall. You still need to ask for it. Zechariah 10:1 teaches us this truth,
Ask the LORD for rain In the time of the latter rain. The LORD will make flashing clouds; He will give them showers of rain, grass in the field for everyone.
I used to read that and wonder, “God, I don’t understand. If it is the time of the latter rain, if it is rainy season, why ask for rain? Won’t it just fall automatically?” If it is rainy season, why pray for rain?”
Because you cannot assume that it is automatically going to fall.
In James 5:17-18 there is a story about Elijah from 1 Kings 18. James gives us the very, very, very short version. But it tells us something significant,
Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain; and it did not rain on the land for three years and six months. And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth produced its fruit.
What caused the rain to stop? His prayer. What caused the rain to fall again? His prayer.
Ask God today for the blessing of His rain in your life!


So I am finding similarities to my spiritual life and my journey to lose weight. (Which by the way brings me to a 90 lb. loss!!)
I am finding it much more difficult to lose than I did in the beginning. I am working harder and losing less. But the trick that I am finding is that when I actually increase my calories- for a single day- I will break through my plateau and drop a few pounds. Now obviously, I can't live in a higher calorie bracket because then my weight will start to increase. But if I continue to exercise and then I take just one day and increase my calorie intake- I will see success.
Spiritually I am like that. If I am in the word every day but I am not exercising- I will start to gain knowledge that will puff me up. But if I work out my spiritual muscles continually and I keep a steady intake of God's word, fellowship, and prayer I find success. And if when I feel that I need a spiritual boost- cuz I am in a drought- an increase of prayer can give me that extra boost I need!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Thanks Again for the Prayers

Well, I must say that I was taken by surprise. I had an inerview on Friday for a Kinder position. I didn't tell many people because I didn't want to have to say... "I didn't get it" in the aftermath. I went into the interview on the tails of studying in Nehemiah 1 and 2 and was thinking of Nehemiah when he prayed and answered the king. I didn't really have a positive feeling going into it and was actually thinking when I didn't get a call Friday night that I didn't get the job. I was almost relieved. So you can imagine my surprise this morning when I got the call that said, "We'd like to offer you the position." I told the gal in HR that called me, are you kidding? I didn't think I would get it. She said, if you accept, it's yours.
Of course I accept. I start tomorrow. Kinder... more prayers please!!
I'm happy and scared. A new school after 6 years in the same school. A new grade. And Oh MY, they already told me it was an "ACTIVE" class. whoo-hoo! Nothing like hitting the ground running!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Perfect Message!!

For anyone who doesn't attend Calvary Chapel East Anaheim, or who didn't hear Pastor Bob's message from Sept. 13 (this last Sunday)... you missed a great message! Maybe it was great for me because it was a very timely and needed message. If you haven't heard it, I encourage you to go online and listen...
Blessings to you all!
check it out at cc-ea.org

In the End of 1 Samuel

So I have been reading through 1 Samuel and I am really excited about some of the things that God is teaching me.
David has gone to live in the border town of Ziklag. Living on the border is never good. David is in compromise- he is telling King Achish that he is doing one thing- but really doing another. Things are going "fine" until the Amalekites (remember them? They are the guys that Saul was suppposed to utterly destroy... but ooops, he didn't) swoop into town and raid the town while the men were away. David and his men return to find their wives and children have been kidnapped, their possessions have been stolen, and their homes have been burned by fire. What now? While the men were angry at David for getting them into this mess and thinking about stoning him, David was "strengthening himself in the Lord." I need that. Anyway, David turns to the Lord and asks what he should do- do we go after them? Will we overtake them?
There were some of his men that were utterly exhausted and unable to go with David and the others on this raid. David has them stay by the Brook Besor (which means refreshment) while they go to recover their families and possessions (though at this point, it isn't clear whether they know the fate of their loved ones... for all the men know, their families are dead).
On his way to try and find the Amalekites, he comes across an Egyptian who was the slave of one and has been left in the wilderness to die. David takes him, feeds him, refreshes him, and asks that he lead David to the camp. When David and his men find the camp, they destoy everyone (except a pesky 400 that escape- it is worded really strangely, which makes me wonder why it is so awkwardly worded. Perhaps it is to show that David TRIED to fully obey unlike Saul that didn't try to fully obey).
When they return after a successful raid- they have killed most of the Amalekites, they have regained their families and their possessions some of the men (the Bible calls them "wicked") try to say that those that stayed behind shouldn't be able to share in the spoil of the Amalekites.
But why does the Bible call them wicked?
I think of two reasons. First, they are trying to pretend that the work that was done was done by themselves. By refusing the blessing of those who didn't go- they are as much as saying that they, themselves had something to do with the victory. But whose victory was it? Man's? or God's? I do that sometimes. Something great happens or something is accomplished and it is truly by the grace and or strength of God that it has happened and I try to take the credit for it. God is teaching me about tithing- that is what I think about. Do I really think the paycheck is for me alone? Do I really think that it isn't a gift from God that I have a paycheck?
The other lesson that I learned has to do with calling. There are people that are called (by God) specifically to do certain works. Romans tells us through the analogy of the body. We can't all be the head. God has given us function, we need to fulfill our function, and not assume our function on others. I need to let God be God in the lives of others and trust that He will call where He wants to call. They will answer in accordance to their calling- God may have to prompt them, and He might encourage me to encourage them in their calling. But ultimately... it is not my deal!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Thanks for the Prayers... you can keep it up :)

Hello my friends,
thanks for your prayers! I'm trying to find comfort in knowing that the plan for me is GOOD! I didn't get the job...
I have been reading in 1 Samuel the events that lead David to Ziklag. He has a great victory, which precedes a major compromise. I am trying to find the lessons that God has for me. The one thing I know: the thing that led David to compromise was discouragement. He was sure that Saul was going to kill him and he ran off to the enemy's camp to find refuge. I am trying to stay aware and not let my own discouragement take my eyes off the prize.
thanks again!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Prayers Needed... and always welcome!

I have a job interview today... anyone out there who wants to pray for me it would be so great!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Down 64


 November- 2 months before starting my diet










June 13- almost exactly 5 months after making a few                                                                                                              changes to my life :)


It has been almost 7 months since I started working out again.  I have lost 64 pounds and I am quite excited about that.  I have dropped 4 sizes and since mid April, I have lost 20 inches.   I'm not where I want to be yet, in fact I have about 100 pounds more to lose, but I feel hopeful.  Still counting calories, still working out... and since I am not working right now, I am working out everyday.  

Sunday, May 31, 2009

The Best Husband!


My husband has his moments of the knight in shining armor.  
I haven't been sleeping this last week- I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep because I start thinking about not having a job.  It isn't JUST not having work that makes me crazy, it is not being anything- you know, we are what we do.  I am a teacher and in my case, it isn't just what I do, it is what I am.  It is what I love.  I feel like it is one of the things that I was created to do.  So when I lose that, I struggle with my identity.  So, all the stresses that go along with losing my job, really start racing through my mind in the middle of the night.  
Well, in the midst of last week, crying in the middle of the night because I just wanted to sleep- my husband comforted my heart by reminding me that we were going to be ok.  And his response to my worries was to tell me that maybe God knew that I needed time to rest.  Then he also said it would give me more time at the gym (he wasn't saying it because he thinks I need it, but because he knows that I would like to spend more time working out) and finally he said, and you will have time to work on your book.  
He is the best!  He is ready and willing to step up- and if we lose my income... we will figure out how to make it work.  And he wants his wife to do the things that make her happy that she doesn't have time to do when she is working.  It blessed my heart.  
We're the perfect couple.  The thing that I can't deal with- loss of my job, loss of my income, loss of the security that comes with my income-- he is not bothered by.  He has lived with less than I can ever imagine and he understands that there are worse things we could go through.  He is strong in the very thing that makes me the weakest.  
He on the other hand doesn't deal with health issues well.  He automatically thinks the worse and worries about what will or could happen.  I on the other hand am not bothered by health issues.  If I die, I will be with Jesus.  And when he is struggling with his health, he just needs me to pray for him and to tell him that it will be ok, and he feels better.  Where I am strong, he is weak.  
God really does know what He is doing when he brings people together!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Darkest Hour


There have been many dark times in my life, and some I can say that I have flown through with a trusting heart, but today, not so much!

There was a special election in California for the budget, it was a last hope at a job for next year. It didn't pass. The stress today of knowing that my probably won't have a job for next year at the end of the year, but maybe I will by the beginning of the school year has changed to it seems impossible.

My heart knows that one of God's favorite word is "impossible" but I'm not doing such a good job right now believing it. This morning on the way to work Pastor Steve Mays was teaching and as I first started on my drive, it hit me that he was talking straight to me. I heard the words that reminded me that I can't let the hard times drive me away from God... but seriously I AM TIRED!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

How Do We Deal With The Longing Of Our Hearts?


We all have things we want. Things we long for. Many of those things are God given desires that I believe He wants to fulfill. We want to marry, have kids, reconcile broken relationships, have peace in our homes and lives, to be missionaries, or we just want to be closer to Jesus. The longings in our heart are the things that drive us, but they can also derail us. I can remember when I was waiting for Osmel, crying out to the Lord on a daily basis... quoting scripture to Him- and reminding Him that a hope deferred makes a heart sick. I would tell Him how my heart was sick-- but still, I had to wait.

I can't say that waiting is easy, it never is. But when I was closer to Jesus, it was EASIER. I found that in the waiting, the desperation of my heart caused me to seek Jesus all the more. It caused me to run to Him and cry out to Him- some days it was minute by minute!

I had to teach myself how to take my thougths captive to Him (that is- every thought). The thoughts that were driving me to depression and grief over my circumstances had to go. They needed to be replaced with thoughts of things that were true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and of good repute. I would take each one of those things and I would think of how Jesus fit those qualities. How is Jesus pure? How is He lovely? and as I would use that to worship Him, it would calm my heart and cure the sickness that was there.

I also thought if I could convince Jesus to get me through the tough times faster or that I had waited long enough, that somehow I would be able to outsmart the Lord into giving me what I wanted when I wanted it. Skewed thinking I know, but what it did do, is drive me to God's Word. Searching through and examining the promises of God looking for ways that God could, would, or should bring them to pass in my life. This is manipulative in motive, but in actuality, - it had profoundly wonderful rewards! It is never a bad thing to know and understand the promises of God. And it was me that was changed.

I am still waiting on God. I confess, I don't do it as well as I have done it in the past. But to those of us waiting for God to bring about something- I encourage us all, to take our heart aches, our yearnings, and our thoughts to Jesus. He WILL bring about the desires in His time, and in the meantime, He will make you more like Him. And best of all, there really is not time that is better than His time!

Friday, May 8, 2009

No Answer Yet




Yesterday was the day that the judge in the hearing was to submitt his written decision to the district. I don't anticipate that we will hear any word right away, although the union might make sure we are informed right away. As I wait on this and I hope, and I pray that God would do as He says in Proverbs and move the heart of a judge as channels of water... (and of course that the direction God would choose to move it is a favorable direction- in my eyes), I think about the power of God and I have the knowlege deep within my soul that He is in control.



There were two temporary teachers that were made permanent just before the hearing. One of those temporary teachers works at my school. She has been in the district just two partial years and was made permanent because someone messed up and she didn't sign her contract until after she started... that is illegal and as a result, she is now a permanent teacher. That was a hard pill to swallow!! So as I asked my Lord, who has the power of the universe in His hands, why that couldn't have been me... I realized it was because that wasn't a part of His plan. (That pill isn't going down any easier) But all this once again reminds me that God is in control, AND, that His timing is perfect.



A colleague gave me a page from her devotional from Wednesday. It was all about how God's timing is perfect! Do I know that? YES. Have I lived that? YES. Do I still lack in faith when it comes to my job? That would be a loud and resounding YESSSSSS!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

A Hearing


Some things never change, and some things never stay the same... my job does both. At the end of the year- I will once again be without a job. That hasn't changed much in the past 7 years. But what is a change, is that thanks to the messed up California econonmy, many permanent teachers in the district will also be out of work at the end of the year. So that is not the same.
Because of the lay-offs, the chance of getting re-hired is significantly diminished. Less positions for next year, means (obviously) less opportunities. And the words "Temporary Teacher" won't even be thought of until all the permanent teachers from our district are given their jobs back.
So what is God going to do?
Many of you know that this is not the first time I have been through this, though it certainly feels more scary than ever before. And, even though my mind and my experience tell me how faithful our Father is, I can't help feeling the sense of panic in my heart that I get at this time every year.
One other thing is different: the district is allowing us (the temporary teachers) to be involved in a hearing. We will meet before a judge and be represented by a lawyer. The judge will hear our case and make a ruling (on behalf of all temps is what we expect) about whether the district has had the right to keep the teachers in temporary status for all these (6 or more) years. The hearing is May 1. I am asking all of you, my friends to please pray for this hearing. Pray for God to be merciful upon me to bring about a judgement that would help me to be made permanent.
The best case scenario could be that I am made permanent and I am given credit for all my years in district... this would mean that I have 6 years seniority and I wouldn't be subject to a lay-off. Worst case scenario is that the judge rules in favor of the district and I am kept in temporary standing and would not likely get re-hired. Then obviously between the worst and the best- there is also the possibility that I am given permanent status but I don't get my seniority. I would be subject to lay-off, but with a higher possibility to be re-hired because I am already considered an employee who just needs a position.
The truth is... I would like to tell God what to do- tell you to tell Him what to do and I would get to keep my job. But, I know that isn't how it works. And by asking you to pray that I would be strong enough to trust God whatever the outcome... well I DON'T LIKE THAT PRAYER ONE BIT! But... it is good. So please, pray for me, for my job, for my heart, for the hearing on May 1st. Thanks.

Progress

Today is a good day, I am on a losing trend. I tend to lose weight in chunks, a pound a day for several days in a row and then I stop losing (I don't know how to spell pla-toe) for a week or more. The days I don't lose can get frustrating because I will go sometimes as much as 3 weeks without dropping a pound, but then I will lose 5 lbs. in one week. So today, I lost another pound, that makes 39 all together. Since I started making these changes in my lifestyle, working out (started Jan. 12) and counting calories (started Jan 23) I have lost 39 lbs. :)
I bought some new pants a few weeks back that were two sizes smaller than what I had been wearing. I bought them because they were 7.99 and they didn't have my size. When I brought them home, they didn't fit... thise week, I wore them to work. Today I am wearing a blouse that I bought several years ago- probably about 5 years ago- it fits great, not too tight. It's been a good week.
My husband started working out with me this week, and I am not sure how I feel about that. Although we don't really work out "together," I kind of miss that time at the gym as "MY" time. But it is nice to have someone say, "Let's go to the gym," instead of saying, "Let's go eat!"
It is good to feel better about myself and not worse.
My brain thinks I am skinnier than I am, so when I see myself in the mirror I am reminded how far I still have to go- that little shot of reallity is good- I feel better, but I see I can't quit!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Losing


Osmel and I have decided that we want to take strides to get healthier this year. I have been dragging my feet and living in denial for 2 years now, and I know that it is time to make some changes. Thankfully, he is ready to take the ride with me. He joined the gym and we are going to work out together. We are trying to make healthier food choices and we are trying to encourage one another to do the right things.
My husband and I speak different languages. When he says I have to join the gym and we have to start going, we aren't talking the same language. I have an addictive personality, so once I start, I go full board until something derails me. So I say go everyday, he says, 3x a week was plenty. When I said I want to go work out after work, he said I worked out at work. When I say let's eat a light meal- he says Subway Tuna sandwich... footlong at 1,06o calories...
So we will try this journey "together." And the most frustrating thing, is that he will probably lose more weight more quickly than I....
If anyone is interested, I have found a couple of internet help sites.
Everyday Health http://www.everydayhealth.com/ is free to sign up. Once you sign up, you have access to blogging, diet and excercise tips, an online journal to keep track of your calorie consumption, and some other great helps.
An other one is The 50 million pound challenge
http://www.50millionpounds.com/
Both of these websites are free and have a lot of great resources to help keep us on track!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A New President


It doesn't matter what political beliefs any of us have, or who we wanted to win the new presidency... today, watching the first non-white president take office, I was in awe of our country.  I was grateful to be an observer of today's events.  I was overwhelmed with emotion today as I watched and listened to all that happened... 
I am grateful to our Father for His grace and mercy that He has poured out on our country, and my hope and my prayer is that in the afterglow of today's events, that God continues to bless our nation.  
 

Thursday, January 8, 2009

What a Surprise!


When Osmel told me he wanted to go visit his family in Cuba during the Christmas/New Year holiday, I was thinking- hey cool, time alone when I am on vacation.  I was thinking of all the things that I could do.  But things didn't work out like I had hoped and as the time is drawing to a close, I am realizing how desperately I miss my husband... I have been feeling this horrible sense of fear and deep sadness while he has been gone that I haven't undestood.  Then I talked to him tonight and I realized that missing him was more a part of it than I thought it was.  I don't think it is the whole picture, but I do think that it is a big part.  God in His sovreignty saw it fit for none of the things that I hoped to happen did, none of the friends that I had hoped to visit with were able, and I spent the majority of the three weeks alone.  Hmm... when God decides that He wants our attention, He will use every means necessary to get it!!
I will say that the expression, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," is very true.  The fun part of having him gone is that it was like before he came, I got a love email almost every day.  And tonight, when I talked to him after almost 2 full weeks, it made me so happy, I hadn't felt that in awhile!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Questions for Exodus 2

So as I begin reading the story of the Exodus I start to ask myself questions- why did Moses have to be raised by Pharoah's daughter and not by his own family?  And how did it change him?  How long did Moses live with his real family before going to live with pharoah's daughter.  Who told Moses he was an Israelite?  What kind of relationship did he have with Egyptian family?  Was it ok that he married a Midianite?  How did God feel about that?  vs 23 says that when Pharoah died, the Israelites sighed and because of the bondage, they cried out to God.  Was it a sigh of despair?  or was it a sigh of relief?  Were they hopeful that a new pharoah would bring back better times?  Why does this cause them to cry out to God?  Had they cried out to God before?  What were they wanting?  Did they know the things that God had promised their father Abraham? 

My Life as a Puzzle: Reflections on Exodus 2


I gotta comment again on how cool this journal is- as I am writing about how God miraculously brings about the salvation of Moses as a baby- I read at the bottom of my journal page- The eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and His ears are open unto their prayers" 1Pet. 3.12 and of course I read it knowing that the characters of Exodus 2 were fervently praying to God to save the baby.

I love reading the stories that fill the pages of Scripture.  Stories that make things sound like things are working out 
coincidently.  It uses phrases like, "Now it came about..."  it leaves out the phrase "by God."  And that is what we see in Exodus 2.  It is an incredible story about how God saves a baby named Moses.  There is no mention of how God is the one that brought about the extraordinary circumstances, we do know that He is the author of all things.  
I think about my story as I read the story in Exodus.  (And being very familiar with the story, rereading stirs memories of what I haven't even read yet)  I think about the times in my life that God worked together the many details of my life. 
And guess what scripture is on the bottom of the page as I write about Exodus 2:  Romans 8.28- and we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those that love Him and are called according to His purpose.  

 If I let myself think outside of what Scripture says right here in Ex 2 and taking into consideration the whole story, I can see all of my life and experiences...
God has a plan for my life.  Every event has its place and purpose.  Maybe all events aren't what God would've wanted for my life, but none of them surprised Him or caused Him to altar His plan for me.  
And just as I may never be able to answer all the questions that I have about Exodus 2, I also  may not be able to answer all the quesstions of why did this happen this way or that way in my own life, but that is because the reason doesn't change the reality.  Why God did it or allowed it isn't half as important as the end result.  The process makes an impact that's for sure, but not every piece individually completes the picture enough to change the look- the end result.  
Why did Moses kill the Egyptian?  Was that God's will?  Did that act come from God- was it God that ordained it or did God use the experience to mold Moses?  
That can be paralleled in my life with, "Why did I get involved with that guy in college?"  Was our relationship ordained by God?  Willed of God?  Or, did God just use the situation, the experience to His good to shape and form me?  
Did I take one beautiful piece that God had intended and break it down into several pieces.  Did it mar the beauty of the final result?  Did it complicate and prolong the process?  
We know that God works all things for good- but is that the good or the best?  
Imagine a puzzle.  64 pieces.  Beautiful when it is finished.  Perfect.  But when putting together the puzzle I take 1 piece and I break it down into 10 smaller pieces.  They will still fit together in the end but I complicated the process.  Will it still look the same at the end when the pieces are all put together?  Well yes and no.The final image will still be the same image- a picture of a dog will still be a picture of a dog but it will look different then originally intended.  Slightly marred perhaps, or maybe a little more choppy, but ultimately, coming together still to complete the puzzle.  

Proverbs 18.10

I love the journals that have a different verse on each page.  I like to make my entries before I even read the verses, and then see how the verses pertain to what I am feeling, thinking or writing... it always amazes me.  As I contemplated this passage in Exodus 1, one of the pages had:
Proverbs 18.10- 
The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous runneth into it, and are saved.  And I can't help thinking about how God was that strong tower for Israel as they were in the wilderness- just as He is my strong tower. 

Reflections on Exodus 1


Jan. 2009
It is human nature to look back on our lives and remember "better" times.  I look at the era of the mid to late 90's fondly and see the many ways that God was working in my heart and in my life; I think about the special gifts that God had given me for that season and I think- good times.  
It is sometimes hard not to look back and wish to return to that place.  
But the essence of time makes it impossible to go back- all we can do is go forward.  
So as I read Exodus 1 I am struck by this phenomenon- the children of Israel are in a tough place in Egypt.  Scripture refers to Egypt as the furnace of affliction- and as difficult as it is for them, once they leave, once they are on the journey of fulfilling the promises God has for them, they actually look back and wish to be in that place again.  
As they journey out of Egypt, they are surrounded by the presence of God, the miracles of God, the strength of God, and the absolute awesomeness of God... He is in their midst, He fills their daily life with miracles, He is traveling before them, and He is communicating directly to them- yet- they will find room to complain, to argue, and to grumble.  And although it is obvious to us as readers that they are not on this journey alone, they will time and time again, feel abandoned by God.  
So I ask myself, "When they have seen the hand of God move so powerfully, how is it they so easily lose faith?"  But then, if they were reading my story, I am sure they would ask themselves the exact same question.  They would notice the same thing in my life that I see in theirs.  Their circumstances may not be exactly the same, but the God that was leading them, is the same God that is leading me... and we know that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  
So, the goal isn't to look back at my past and glorify it- but to look at it and learn from my mistakes and to remember God's faithfulness is still the same... And all the things that happened to me in the past are to help me look forward and to see not from where God has brought me, but to where God is leading me and to trust that He will indeed be faithful to bring me there safely and in His time.  
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We begin to see in the opening of Exodus God's faithfulness already revealed in the simple truth that tells us the more they are afflicted, the more they grow.